This is real, this is me.

What's around me.

♥♥|Friday, March 30, 2012| 3:32 PM

I wanna be at my favourite place now.

As titled.

♥♥|Thursday, March 22, 2012| 2:26 PM

I will get there.

♥♥|Friday, March 16, 2012| 1:18 PM

Of course i miss him.
More than one and a half years.
One and a half years of knowing him, and being close with him.
One and a half years of daily contact with a person.
One and a half years of opening myself up to him.
Months of friendship, and months of companionship.

How can i not miss him when i'm totally out of touch with him now?
How can i not miss someone whom i thought would be my forever?
How can i not remember the moments spent with him?
How can i not recall the plans made for the future with him?

No one can understand what i'm going through.
Not because it's too painful to be understood.
But just because everyone's experiences might be similar but are all different; personal to each of us.

Its hard for me right now.
Its hard because i lost my friend too.
We started of as friends, afterall.

Lingers.

♥♥|Tuesday, March 13, 2012| 3:32 PM

It still lingers.
It, being only a singular portion of the entire mess of stuff in my head, also commonly known as memories.
That is all there is left.
And yet, that is the most painful and most difficult obstacle for me.

Everywhere i go, every step i take, every word i write, every blink i make.
That person is everywhere.
I try, as hard as i can to not think, to put it aside.
But the more i try, the harder it seems.
Which is why at times, i feel that sleep is how i seek solace right now.
Sleep and Him, of course.

I fear that i've bored my strongest support with my constant breakdowns.
I fear that i'll be left all alone on my own.
But most of all, i've realised that i'm not as strong as i thought i was.
And that scares me.
I know He will always be there with me.

Nur Fuanni, you can do this.
If he isn't meant for you, than he just isn't meant for you.
You have to learn to let go.

Lupakan sahaja.

♥♥|Thursday, March 8, 2012| 12:31 PM

I want to forget.
I want to be over it all.
I just want to not remember.

But it seems so hard.
I do not want to remember.
Cos each time i do, it hurts.
It hurts, dammit.
I'm a girl, just a plain simple girl.
I want to continue my life.
I want to get over this episode of my life.
I want my life back.
My life before you came into it.
Oh God, please please help me.

You hurt me.
You left a scar deep under my skin.
I left, yes i did.
I did not leave because i want to, i left because i had to.
You left me with no choice.
I wished with all my heart, that things could have been discussed and something could be decided on.
But none of that happened.
I dont wanna hold any grudges.
But sometimes, it felt as if the fight for us was one sided.

I dont care who reads this anymore.
I need to let it out.
Judge me for all i care.
I know i shouldnt have regrets, and that everything happens for a reason.
But i'm just human aren't i?
I made plans for my life, when i shouldn't have.
And now i got hurt, when what i planned for didnt happen.
Serves me right i guess.
This must have been a wake up call.
Please forgive me God..
I'm leaving my life to You now.

Of our hearts.

♥♥|Wednesday, March 7, 2012| 12:52 PM

7th of march again.
A big and happy 17th birthday wish for my dear sissy.
Gonna be the start of a new phase of her life this year.
And i wish her all the best for that, have an enjoyable year okay.

I didn't write it here, but youngest sis bday passed on the 27th feb, bro's on 2nd mar and now it's the 7th of mar.
13th of mar will be ayah's.
And it would be a dry spell until dec arrives.

I still owe all of the siblings their birthday gifts.
Still have not been able to decide on a suitable gift for each of them.
Gave mak her advanced bday present, which was supposed to be just a random small gift for her.
There's nothing i can give in this world that would ever be enough to repay her.
I still owe her a lot more, and i'll try not to forget her ever insyaAllah.

Life has been fine alhamdulillah.
I'm still on my way to rebuilding my life again, filling up the empty spaces in between.
Hasn't been an easy ride so far, but i think (and hope) i am getting better and stronger.
Ever so thankful for my small yet strong support system, there to help me regain my strength.
I dont need to name all of you here, but you know who you are.
Every little bit of help has been necessary, and i'm thankful for that.

Fly away.

♥♥|Thursday, March 1, 2012| 10:35 AM

It hurts when you have to leave someone's life.
Someone whom you thought would be your forever.
Someone whom you were ready to share your life with.

Of course it hurts.
But it hurts more, much more.
When you realise it takes that person such a short amount of time to remove you from their life.
Deleted.
As if you were meant to be just a temporary thing.
As if you didn't mean a single thing to them.

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Fuanni نور فأننئ حسن
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